Thursday, 26 January 2012

G is for Gormless...

Can't see the link between meditation and
snails? Read on and you soon will! 
(p.s. I look nothing like this slender, well
groomed cartoon woman! Unfortunately.)

After dance aerobics last night, I hit the gym- BIG STYLE! Dripping with sweat, I leaped onto the treadmill (alright, slithered might be more appropriate) and started to pound away. Because, as my regular readers know, I 'love' the dreadmill so much, I decided to share with it my new found love of 'meditative running,' (I have the copywrite on that name- okay!) The gym was heaving and yet, for a miraculous three miles, no-one used the treadmill next to me. It was crazy busy. Heck, at the reception desk, there was a queue forming... yet no-one ran next to lovely me... weird huh? Then I caught my reflection in the mirror... and understood why. Dripping with sweat isn't pretty. Dripping with sweat whilst wearing lycra is even less attractive. But dripping with sweat whilst wearing lycra and running with your mouth hanging open is even more grotesque- I swear, I looked unstable. I suddenly became very self conscious- straightening up, closing my mouth (and wiping away the snail trail of dribble) then I thought 'who the heck cares,' and resumed my vacant expression. No-one spoke to me all night- I was free to train in my cool, calm, meditative state.
Usually when I'm on the dread, I feel every single mile... I count my brain cells as they die of boredom but not so in my MS (meditative state is far too much to write every time). Lost in a land of nothingness, I ploughed on, managing three miles of sublimely average running without even flinching! If only the cosmic calm of the universe had followed me to the cross trainer. Have you ever seen anyone get confused by a cross trainer? Have you ever seen someone get caught in a cross trainer? Have you ever seen someone get caught in, trapped by and then fall off a cross trainer? I have- and I was looking in the mirror when it happened! I've watched other people train on these weird machines of torture and they make it look so easy- just moving forwards and backwards whilst their pony tails elegantly swish behind them. I tried to go forwards but my hand moved faster than my feet... it wasn't pretty folks. It wasn't pretty at all (especially since I still had a snail trail of dribble next to my lip... oh yeah... and the lycra... and the sweating!)
Unattractive times x

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