Saturday, 6 August 2011

H is for hurt (and heckles and humiliation)

I knew that running was a dangerous sport, I was told cautionary tales about shin splints, runners knee and the increased likelihood of loosing one or more of my toenails (I’ve lost two to date, which is nice!)  Unfortunately, last night, I was seriously injured… but my shins didn’t splinter oh no… and my knee didn’t detach from my body… I broke my little finger! I know, my little finger- the horror!
            ‘How did this foul injury occur?’ I can hear you screaming at your computer screen, ‘Did you stumble whilst running your eighth mile up a vertical incline? Did a participant in pedestrian chicken attack you when you refused to move out of their path?’ Alas, ‘twas none of these things.  In fact, I hadn’t even started running when I acquired this most life threatening of injuries- because I did it on my garden gate! Literally- I knocked my finger on the garden gate whilst bounding enthusiastically towards the starting point for a 4 mile hill run. And that was just the beginning of my waking nightmare!  
            After ‘recovering’ for five minutes (my recovery involved LOTS of expletives and jumping on the spot waving my finger in the air) I set off on a hill run. To be honest, I wasn’t (and still am not) entirely sure what a hill run should entail- but instead of researching it like a normal person would do, I simply set off towards the steepest hills I could find. ‘Fortunately’ for me- this hill led to another and then another. Did I mention that I live in Haworth which is basically a mountain range with olde worlde tea shops and pubs selling ‘Good old Yorkshire grub and proper bitter?’ Well I do. The hills are so steep that I felt the temperature drop as I climbed higher, I’m also sure that the air grew thinner (which would explain why I couldn’t breathe and my heart was trying to jump through my chest in a bizarre suicide mission.) I ran 2.5 miles straight up and, when the ground finally levelled out, I couldn’t feel my legs anymore. This was quite a nice sensation at the time- unfortunately it didn’t last long. As soon as I reached home, the pain began. My thighs were keen to get in on the action that my little finger had started- they throbbed, cramped and sent shooting pains down to my ankles.
            I spent my Friday night sitting with ice on both of my thighs whilst my little finger was wrapped in a bag of frozen peas. I was unable to shower because I couldn’t life my legs high enough to step into the bath. What a pleasure it must have been for my husband who magnanimously supplied me with water then sat as far away as was humanly possible while I moaned and droned about the perils of being a runner.
            I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I can be a bit slow at understanding things and/or grasping new concepts. So it was a total surprise when I discovered a wealth of running forums on the Internet- these places are magical and I cannot believe that I have spent the past 30 years unaware of how many miles Sophie B ran on Friday the 5th of August (if you’re reading, Sophie B, well done!) Because I am SO cheeky, I went on the womensrunning forum (which is really good actually- hey, I could have asked advice on there about what hill running actually is! D’oh! ) Anyway, I asked for contributions towards my runners A-Z. And, bless a runner called Sarah, she sent me a corker!

‘I love running’ A-Z
‘I hate running and wish that I had never signed up for this madness’ A-Z
H- humiliation. You may think that this should be on the other side of the table but hear me out. If, like me, you humiliate yourself every-time you go out, you develop a thick skin. This means that, when humiliating things happen in real life, you are better able to deal with them! Do you see my logic? Running really is the sport that just keeps on giving.
H is for Hecklers. Yes, cider-swilling, smoking teenager, I'm sure you think I should 'keep running' Gosh, I would never have thought of it without your words of encouragement....!!

I also went on runnersforum, where I met about twenty of the nicest people…ever! How cool is this running thing?!
10 miles tomorrow folks… bearing in mind that I still have ice on my thighs from yesterday, the next BLOG might appear sometime around Wednesday.

Happy times x


  1. Lol, funny and amusing blog, keep up the good work and good luck with your dangerous hobby of running (I find cars and pushchairs present the most danger for me!) :)

  2. Hope that finger is feeling better Kelly. I'm impressed with your hill running - they don't have too many hills down here in Deepest Darkest Lincolnshire...oh how I envy you your hills! (not!) Keep up the good work. You are awesome!

  3. Gotta love the hecklers! If you need a handy retort, my personal favorite (being most often teased for being SLOW) is "I'm running faster than you are!"

  4. Come to northumberland for a holiday we have LOTS of lovely hills, especially where i live cant get a mile without encountering one!!