Thursday, 8 September 2011

Z is for Zombie arms!

That title got your attention didn’t it?! Did you ever go to a school disco and ‘do the robot?’ You know, the one where you bend your arms at the elbows and move in a jerky way, keeping your arms at right angles to your body… my Dad once did this at one of my primary school disco’s and I didn’t speak to him for a week. Sorry Dad, if you’re reading! Well, after years of secretly dancing the robot, my arms have rebelled, they are mutinous! They have straightened out in front of me and REFUSE to bend. At all. When I’m running!
                I noticed the other day, when looking at some photographs (deeply unattractive ones) of myself running, that I run with my arms sticking out in front of me. It’s as though they are broken and I’m wearing a cast! Because my arms are heavy (they are full of toned, tanned muscles- NOT) I run leaning forward, this could explain why my discs have been trying to escape through the base of my spine for the past few months. D’oh! As the song goes, ‘I can see clearly now… (the rain has gone,’ join in if you know the words!)
                I can now add this to my ‘list of things that make me a gorgeous runner.’ Would you like to see my list?
1) I sweat EVERYWHERE- it rolls down my back, over my legs, it drips off my nose, chin and ears (I kid you not.)  
2) My face becomes as red as a beetroot
3) Despite the fact that I have carried two babies, I insist on wearing lycra- top AND bottom
4) I only have one hat. It’s white, it has holes in. Not only does it fail to match any of my running clothes, it’s also covered in suspicious looking stains (I’m scared to wash it just in case I shrink it- I’m not very good at laundry.)
5) I wear a fanny pack just under my rib cage so that I can carry my essentials: goo, juice, lip balm, mobile phone, spare money, mace spray*
6) I run with zombie arms (see above)
7) Because I lean forward too much when I run, I think I am developing a hump on my back.
* Why anyone would come within a close enough range to receive said mace when I am running is beyond me but I used to be a Girl Guide so I naturally prepare for all eventualities.
I could definitely think of more but seven is my lucky number so I’ll stop there!

All of this means that, after minutes of worrying about what Z would be on my A-Z of running, we have a contender! (Okay, so I know that we’ve missed out a FEW little letters in the middle but I will catch up, one day, promise!)

‘I love running’ A-Z
‘I hate running and wish that I had never signed up for this madness’ A-Z
Zest. You’ll get a zest for life, according to the on-line dictionary (where I just got the word from. Don’t judge me, you try to think of a good word beginning with z. Go on, I’ll wait for you…exactly!) Ahem, according to the online dictionary, zest is ‘vigorous and enthusiastic enjoyment.’ Well, me and my hump certainly feel vigorous and enthused!
Zombie arms. It’s not enough to look like a member of the living dead, now I run like one!

Tonight’s run was a ‘run as fast as you can for 3 miles without having an asthma attack’ kind of run. I finally found my pace, I can run consistently ‘fast’ at just under 10 minutes per mile, which I am really pleased with. Obviously my arms, being so far in front of me, can run a 9 minute mile and my hump, being so far behind me, runs only an 11 minute mile. Poor hump!

Happy times x

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