Thursday, 20 October 2011

I- L and some SERIOUS booty shaking

No running today- boo! But I did spend two and a half hours last night dancing my booty off then stretching and toning said booty in time for Christmas! Yes, you heard right- Christmas. According to my yoga instructor, there are only a few ‘toning’ weeks left until the silly season. So that we don’t all become beached whales in that one week of festive over-indulgence, we worked extra hard on our core and butt muscles last night.
            Now my core is pretty hard core. I can do the plank for, like 30 seconds! (I have been practising). I also do sit-ups every day because having a strong stomach helps me to run (it also makes me look half decent in a bikini, but hey that’s a whole other season) but oh my goodness! We toned and tensed and flexed muscles I didn’t even know I had… I know they are there now though, they are making their presence felt by tightening and cramping every 30 seconds or so. I am a mum of two (who wrote their Christmas lists at the end of August just in case there’s an elf postal strike in the North Pole) so I’m already expecting to be frazzled by the 15th of December.  Add the ever growing present list to the tough demands of my yoga instructor and I’m not sure I’ll make it to the festive season- let alone through it! Even worse, January is de-tox month which apparently is even harder! Yey (cue sarcasm!)
 Enjoy I- L! x

Good things about running- HURRAH!
Bad things about running- BOO!
Innocence. Do you remember when you could walk up the stairs without warming up first? When you didn’t start crying at the mere sight of a goo pouch? When you had NEVER seen 6am on a Sunday morning? Ah…. Those days of innocence. I miss those days!
Internet. An amazing place to meet fellow runners/ park bench nappers as well as a mine of dangerous information for hypochondriacs. Got a niggle in your shin? Type it in Google and you’ll be amazed at exactly how many life threatening diseases you actually have!
Ibruprofen.  My best friend! It goes everywhere with me. Just don’t try to buy too much. When I first started running, the local supermarket had a half price sale on pain killers so I trotted down and loaded my basket with pills and heat creams, cooling creams etc. When I got to the till, a spotty youth confiscated most of it because he said there I had a dangerous number of harmful drugs …what the? He obviously thought I was intending on ending the pain on a more permanent scale- though how I could do that with a tube of cooling rub is beyond me!  
I’m every woman! You’re a strong, independent woman- ready to tackle the world head-on. You are fierce, a tiger… go on, roar! Then sing, ‘I’m every woman…’ (or man, although it doesn’t fit the song quite as well.)
Insanity. Kicks in at around mile 7 on longer runs. I usually ward it of with a healthy dose of Alled’s Sunday worship or Steve Wright’s Sunday Love Songs. Just don’t sing aloud because people stare (and laugh)
Injury. (unfortunately) You’re pushing your body really hard. The collagen is being pounded out of your face. Your boobs are bouncing so much you fear that they might actually bounce OFF your body and land in the middle of the road… and that’s before we even get to your back and legs. Stretching is the best way to avoid injury but sometimes it still happens… and it sucks!
Ice baths. Some runners actually immerse their whole bodies in ice when they get home from running. In my imagination, these are the ‘Hob Nobs’ of runners, aka marathon and ultra-marathon contenders who push themselves to the limit, then push themselves that little bit further just to see if they can. If you are one of these runners, I salute you! If you are not, welcome to my world J
Jelly beans. I ran a whole race with a lovely lady who kept her jelly bean sugar hits stashed inside her bra. They sure beat goo!
Just do it. Before I actually started running, I read lots of books and magazines about running. I spent a lot of time thinking about running and a lot of time watching re-runs of Friends whilst thinking ‘I should be running.’ The only way to be a runner is to run! You gotta Just Do It- unfortunately no-one can do it for you.
Kudos. You get up two hours earlier than everyone on the planet to pound the collagen out of your face. When you tell people this, you deserve some kudos, some respect. Perhaps even a medal, a certificate of attendance and a t-shirt!
Kudos… are you kidding?! You know that open-mouthed look people give you- and each other- when you tell them about your pre-dawn escapades? I’m afraid that it isn’t the look of kudos. It’s the look of crazy. People think that you are off your rocker. 
Laughing. Have you ever heard that ridiculous statement: ‘You burn 50 calories every time you laugh?’ (Often given as an excuse not to run i.e. ‘I laugh 8 times a day, burning 400 calories in the process. Why on earth would I run?) Runners burn way more calories than that, and continue to burn calories AFTER they have finished running!  You should laugh about this when you’re heading towards the family sized bags of M and M’s. Guilt free chocolate- yummy!
Lame. You might be by the time you’ve finished running the marathon.

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