Sunday, 31 July 2011

S is for…short shorts (and C is for Chafe)

Can you see the wet patch on my top? Oh, the shame!

This is truly an auspicious occasion. Not only am I breaking my record for the most blogs posted on this site in one day (okay, so the blog only started on Thursday but I like to celebrate these small successes- even if they are really, very small), but I also managed to run for 9 miles without calling for a taxi or ambulance to bring me home.
            As runs go, today’s was pretty awesome actually. My husband and kids drove me nine miles away from my house then, with what can only be described as an insulting level of joy, left me there…at the side of the road… so that I could run home. The weather was warm, the wind was behind me. There was only one cloud on my perfect running horizon and that was laundry. As in, lack of laundry completed. I went to my running drawer expecting to find two pairs of lycra three quarter length leggings ready and waiting to be selected for the inaugural 9 miler. Unfortunately what I actually found was an almost empty drawer save for a lonely pair of short shorts and a ribbed vest top I used to wear in my teens (and it never looked good then- even when I had a size zero waist). Needless to say I looked a beauty. Honestly, it was really special when three separate white van drivers took time out of their busy Sunday afternoons to pull up alongside me and shout ‘put your bum away’ at the top of their voices. I was touched. Even more special is that fact that I have discovered a hidden running gem- that of chafe! My newly exposed thighs rubbed together to the extent that I had to apply antibacterial cream when I finally arrived home- like I said…special!
            I’ll bet you’re wondering: How did she fill the (long) time during which she was stylishly running those 9 miles? Was she perhaps coming up with an outline for a new bestselling children’s book? Or composing a new narrative poem in her creative and quick thinking brain? Or even mentally writing a witty yet understated 500 word article for a well known magazine? And the answer is yes to all of those questions of course. And, as soon as I had finished with those things, I continued with my ABC game. Basically, for every letter of the alphabet, you need to think of a phrase that is running related- hence the title, S is for shorts… You see? It was suggested by a woman in one of my all time favourite books (because I really am so sad that I read about running as well as doing the running) the ‘non runners guide to running a marathon.’ In the book, the lady just does one A-Z but, because I am a professional writer with a LOT of free time, I have done two. Please refer to A below. If you have any more, please feel free to add them on!

‘I love running’ A-Z
‘I hate running and wish that I had never signed up for this madness’ A-Z
A- Abs! If you run, you’ll get some. They look awesome and you should definitely start to wear low slung jeans and/or crop tops to show off your well deserved, hard fought for definition. Even if it’s cold, Hell, even if it’s snowing crank up the thermostat and sit around in a bikini… just because you CAN!
A- Arses who masquerade as experts. There is always someone who has better abs/ has run more miles/ can do it faster etc. Ignore them all!!! I happened to mention to a guy in my yoga class that I was training for a half marathon and he replied that, in his younger days, he had been able to run a 3 minute mile. Thinking this must be normal, I tried to run 3 miles in 9 minutes… I collapsed after 0.5 miles and am still convinced that my Nanna (who died 2 years ago) appeared and told me to walk towards the light.

 Happy times x

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